If you're new to this blog, I'll set a little basis for what I'm fixing to blabber to you about. I'm a girl who has heard the name of Jesus her entire life. His name was whispered by my mother in prayers while I was still in the womb, and then whispered by me as soon as I was old enough to talk. As a child, you could find me at every VBS, choir practice, camp, retreat and event that my church had to offer. The name of Jesus has always been apart of who I am. A part of who I wanted to be. As years of camps, practices & lock-ins passed, and I began to see Jesus in a new light. This Savior.. He saved ME. Little ole Casey. My thoughts? "Oh, cool." Thought I had the Jesus-thing down. Didn't. Sure didn't.
High school was full on making memories. Those made under the lights at a Friday night football game, church trips, Spring Breaks and so on. Everything was fine and dandy. Actually, better than fine and dandy. Perfect.
Then..college. Here I go with my pink and green monogramed laptop case and a smile. While on the outside I may have came off as Elle Woods walking down the halls at Harvard to meet Warren..I was far from it. I was more like a three year old being sent to daycare for the first time. So, here I sat in my new pink chair in an old, box of a dorm room. No one in my classes to laugh with. No idea what I want to do with my life. No clue what God had planned for my life. No desire to seek it out.
You must go through the valley to stand upon the mountain of God.
Sometimes, things happen that force you to look up to Jesus. Crawl into His lap. Ask Him to soothe you. Catch your tears. LOVE on you. One thing lead to another and, quickly, I was in that place. DESPERATE for a glimpse of Jesus. Desperate for His control over my life. So, I surrendered. Wallowing in a pillow full of tears one night, I sat up, and took my hands off of my heart, let God's fingers encase my heart fully, letting His hand cover it. I let it go. Pulled my hand away. Completely. Finally. Then, I grabbed His free hand with one of my free hands. And then, just like that, He took off running. And so did I. New creation. New life. New freedom. New love.
CHANGE
That's what it ultimately took to get me to that point. This summer was one of the best yet one of the worst. I went through a lot of changes. I felt like at times I had the weight of the world on my shoulders. Then I realized I was just looking at it from the wrong perspective. This was something AMAZING. Not tragic. Anything but tragic. No, I don't have any more of my problems resolved or questions answered but ya know what? That's okay.. I'm going to do things God's way for once. I'm his and I'm patiently waiting for him to give me those answers. I'm letting go of the life I've planned for me and my dreams. Those obviously weren't the ones I was supposed to have. I've never felt closer to Him than I do now and that, that has made me the happiest girl.
